Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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