we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
not ubering you a puppy
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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