i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
