OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We are two peas in an std pod
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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