Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
