My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
3 2 1 whiskey
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
