All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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