If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
