I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
