HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize