Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
