Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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