She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
