i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
