I think im going to throw up on grandma
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
