It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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