I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
