It's a beautiful day for a hangover
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
