she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
