worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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