I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
