I don't usually arrange sex via text message
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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