My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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