when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
