Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
