Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
