dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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