jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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