how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
