"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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