worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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