Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
