About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
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It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
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I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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