Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
