I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
