Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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