As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
