So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
