i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i will never coherently bang her
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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