I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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