Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
