alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
