You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
