So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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