Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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