I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
