i think my tv is drunk
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
