Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
