i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
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She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
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I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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