My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
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You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
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I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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