Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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