just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
