Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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