please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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