call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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