Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she pinky promised me she was 18
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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