You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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