Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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