You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
