jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
