is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
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my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
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When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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