Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
