I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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