I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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